The Year of the Nomad

I know I haven't been the best at keeping you all updated on what has been happening in this nomad's life, but here is my effort to bring you up to speed.

As 2018 draws closer to an end, I'm amazed at the things God has done in my life. Bear with me as I walk you through month by month.

January
Back at the beginning of the year, I was lost in the beginning of a new semester of teaching my students and contemplating what the new year would hold. God continued to provide extra opportunities to earn money, and opened the doors for my best friend and me to begin planning our trip to Europe. Of all the places I've wanted to visit in this world, Germany has always held the top spot because of my love for WWII history. Last January, my best friend told me that she would probably be headed to Germany this summer for a conference and that maybe we could meet up before or after her conference. WOW! Not only was my dream of travelling to Europe finally forming into a real plan, but God was working it out for me to go to the place I've always wanted to visit. On top of all of that, I was going to get to see my best friend finally after a year and a half of being half a world apart from each other!

God is great, all the time!

February
As the year slowly drifted into a new month, my picture of the next year also began to morph. If you know me at all, you know I like to have my path mapped out and thrive off a structured schedule. Yet back in February, God started to show me that it may be time to change directions again. I've always thought I would settle down and stay in one place for a long time, but it seems like God continually pushes me out of my comfort zone and brings me to new adventures every few years. So I told my boss that I may not be returning to the school next year, and I began reaching out to new places of employment. I knew I would miss the school I had worked at for the past two years, but I also felt a strong peace from God that I was making the right choice. He quickly began to open doors for interviews and to open my eyes to new possibilities.

All the time, God is great!

March
Cue the month of spring break and the beginning of goodbyes. At the start of March, I submitted an application at a popular Christian theater. Something completely out of the realm of where I thought I would ever work, but my cousin who works there really wanted me to apply. So I did. Within a few days, I had a phone interview which led to an in person interview happening over spring break. Over spring break, I went to my hometown, to Branson to see one cousin and interview at the theater, to Joplin to visit my cousin's bakery (the Frosted Cakerie which is amazing! You should go if you're anywhere near Joplin, MO!), to Arkansas to see my aunt and uncle, to Kansas City area to see my sister and her family, and back to my hometown for my last chance to celebrate Easter with my parents as pastors before they retired. It was a crazy week of driving around five states, but it was a great adventure. I didn't end up getting the job with the theater, but that chance to interview gave me a new perspective. I wasn't bound by anything to keep teaching. I specifically asked God to close the doors at the theater if that wasn't the path He wanted me to take since it was way out in left field from what I had been doing, and He did. However, He also opened my eyes and hearts to different avenues I could pursue. So as we entered a new season of the year, I began to explore a new season of my life.

God is great, all the time!

April
As the school year drew closer to its end, I continued to send out applications and prepare to move. I started to tell more people that I wouldn't be returning to Colorado after the summer; and while the goodbyes were difficult, I continued to feel God's peace about the choice. At the end of the month I returned to my hometown to help my parents with a large moving sale. It was hard to watch as they sold off loads of their furniture and possessions so that they could downsize into their fifth-wheel camper; but it was also encouraging to see how God was continuing to direct their path. I also bought my plane tickets for the trip of a lifetime! It was finally becoming a reality.

All the time, God is great!

May
Welcome to the land of chaos for a teacher. As if the end of the school year isn't stressful enough, throw into the mix that I was moving and saying goodbye to my friends, coworkers, and students in Colorado. In the midst of teary goodbyes, God continued to open doors and new dreams. I had a phone interview with a church I attended for a short time in college to be their children's ministry director. This interview went well, but it meant a month of waiting before the next step in the interview process. Waiting isn't always easy, but I'm often reminded how many people were asked to wait in the Bible. Abraham waited for his promised child. Joseph waited for years to see why he had been sold into slavery. Moses wandered and waited in the desert with the Israelites. Waiting just means that something new is coming.

God is great, all the time!

June
Enter the last month of life in my hometown. With it comes craziness from all sides--packing years worth of memories, planning a VBS in less than a week, moving my possessions to storage in my grandparents' garage, and becoming a true nomad by condensing what I needed to just one car load. During this month, I started my journey of jumping from one friend's home to the next; and I ended it by interviewing with the church in person. Once again, I saw God show up in the kids and leaders at VBS, in the way people willingly opened their homes to me, and in the way He led me through yet more interviews. At the end of the month though, I was still waiting to know what was coming next. Nevertheless, it was just a few days longer until I embarked on my grand adventure.

All the time, God is great!

July
Can you believe it? I finally made it to Europe and got to see my best friend again!!!!!!!! It was so exciting that I can barely put it into words. Keep an eye out for more pictures. When I returned from my trip, God finally closed the door on the job at the church and basically started my job search over. However, I was still trusting that He had a plan for me leaving a solid job and moving across country without a job or place to live.

God is great, all the time!

August
In the midst of this month, I began to grow tired of the nomad life. Thus, I decided to settle into my sister's basement until I found something else. It turned out to be just what we all needed. I found two part time jobs and moved in with my sister just in time to begin caring for her girls as she returned to school and work. It's amazing how God's plan is always best, isn't it? I never pictured myself living with my family, just near them; but so far it's been an interesting and fun ride.

All the time, God is great!

September
As fall rolled in, I settled into my new jobs and roll as a live in nanny. I also finally finished the year long process I had started with my teeth. All in all, it was a pretty tame month, which is just what I needed after the chaos of the summer. Oh isn't relaxing in the peace of God a wonderful thing?

God is great, all the time!

October
After some interesting transitions, I went from substituting for one company to substituting for a different school district, which was a necessary decision. Towards the middle of the month, I got the chance to visit with some good friends from college and just relax. Oh my I love friends and a chance to catch up! It's wonderful that friendships founded in the Lord are designed to last for a lifetime.

All the time, God is great!

November
Oh my! Tides of chaos rolled in during this month. I started the month by travelling to NYC with my sisters to celebrate our birthdays together. It was crazy fun, but I was happy to return from the land full of people. When we returned, my parents and I started the journey to find this nomad a home. AND WE DID IT!!!! On November 19, I took possession of my very first home. While it all happened so fast, I'm thankful for my new home and the way God provided the right home at the right time. Be watching for a virtual tour soon. This nomad is finally coming home! (once the necessary updates are made)

God is great, all the time!

As this month comes to a close, I continue to thank God for everything He has done, and I can't wait to see what else He will do. Now don't get me wrong. I still have my moments where I doubt what He is doing in my life or break down and cry because life isn't what I expected; but in the long run, I'm reminded that God holds even the little details of my life in His hands.

Fair warning: I plan to post a picture summary of my Europe trip and a photo tour of my home soon, but my plans tend to go haywire lately so don't get your hopes up too high!

In the Midst of Life, I am Thankful

After nearly three months of silence, I'm sitting here wishing I could announce to you that I had this brand new awesome job where I'd be making a difference in the world, fulfilling the purpose that God created me for, and making a ton of money while doing it. That's the dream, right? To love what you do and make it rich while you do it?

I often struggle to find the balance of being open and honest and sharing too much. Nevertheless, in the past, I've avoided writing a post on this blog because I couldn't be super positive. In fact, I've had a really hard time putting the words into this post. I was all set to complain about how things hadn't gone as planned; and while I still feel like my summer was beyond chaotic, I'm choosing to write a post about thankfulness instead of whining.

If you read my post back in May, you know that I spent a lot of time in prayer and stepped out in faith when I decided to not continue teaching in Colorado. I also promised you that I would keep you updated as the journey unfolded. I haven't been the best at it, but see if you can find the story of my summer through the thoughts below.

30 Thankful Thoughts from the Summer of 2018

1. I'm thankful for the skills that my father taught me. During my first week of summer, I painted a house and earned the rest of the money I need for my trip of a lifetime in July.

2. I'm thankful for technology advances. During the same week, I was able to have two phone interviews instead of driving hundreds of miles one way for an interview.

3. I'm thankful for friends who push me to meet fitness goals. During my second week of summer, I walked a 10k race in Colorado and easily beat my goal time. It was so much fun that I'm already planning to go back next year.

4. I'm thankful that I found wonderful friendships in Colorado. During the same week, I was able to house sit for some good friends while connecting with other friends before I left Colorado. I was also able to return at the end of the summer for a really fun retreat with some of those friends.

5. I'm thankful for my parents letting me come home to live with them every summer since 2011 (after my freshman year of college). This was still the same case for about 2.5 weeks this summer even though they were in the midst of a crazy move.

6. I'm thankful for the house that I claimed as my home for 14.5 years. It may have been in the Middle-of-Nowhere, Kansas; but it was home. Two and a half weeks into my summer my parents decided to close on their house early, which meant saying goodbye to our home in just one week. It meant for a crazy last week in the house as we packed up all of my stuff to move to my grandparents' home and finished packing my parents' stuff. Yet I'm still thankful for all the memories in that home.

7. I'm thankful for my grandparents who were more than willing to offer me half of their garage to store all my stuff. So I pared my stuff down to the bare essentials that fit in the trunk of my car, and packed the rest of it away until a future date.

8. I'm thankful for the multiple friends in my hometown that offered for me to stay with them. When my parents decided to close on the house early, I had already committed to events in my hometown until the end of June. So for a week and a half, I lived in a friend's basement. It gave me time to catch up with the friend and her family. So I considered it a blessing.

9. I'm thankful for the 15 years of VBS I've gotten to help with/lead in my hometown. This year I once again received the opportunity to coordinate a VBS between three different churches, and once again I was truly blessed by the way God worked through it. Even though it was a ton of last-minute, crazy planning, I enjoyed the week immensely. God has displayed to me over and over that He is the one in control and that no matter how much I plan, He will do what He needs done.

10. I'm thankful for my extended family on my mom's side. The day that VBS ended I hopped in my car to drive up to Nebraska for a family reunion at my aunt and uncle's ranch. It was a wonderful and relaxing time with no pressure to do anything except enjoy time with family.

11. I'm thankful for a reliable car. Since May 18th, my road trips have looked like this: (each bullet represents what was traveled in one day.)

• Colorado to Northwest Kansas
• Northwest Kansas to Colorado
• Colorado to Northwest Kansas
• Northwest Kansas to Central Kansas to Northwest Kansas
• Northwest Kansas to North Central Nebraska
• North Central Nebraska to Western Missouri
• Western Missouri to Northeast Oklahoma
• Northeast Oklahoma to Western Arkansas to Western Missouri
• Western Missouri to Northwest Kansas
• Northwest Kansas to Northern Colorado
• Northern Colorado to Central Colorado
• Central Colorado to Central Kansas
• Central Colorado to Western Missouri
• Western Missouri to Southern Missouri
• Southern Missouri to Western Missouri
• Western Missouri to Northern Colorado
• Northern Colorado to Central Kansas
• And finally Central Kansas to Western Missouri

12. I'm thankful for my extended family on my dad's side. During the last week of June, I traveled to Oklahoma for a job interview (a follow up to one of those interviews from May) and was able stay with one aunt. Also on this trip, I was able to visit one of my cousins and another aunt and uncle in Arkansas. I appreciate that my family is always happy to see me.

13. I'm thankful for my parents' retirement. I have seen the stress just melt away from my parents as they have jumped into their new life.

14. I'm thankful for my two older sisters. After a lot of road tripping, I spent a few days staying at each of my sister's homes.

15. I'm thankful for grand adventures. As many of you know, I worked hard and received the opportunity to travel around Europe with my best friend in July. It was AMAZING. Granted not everything went perfect, but that's what makes it an adventure. (I'll post more about this trip in it's on story.)

16. I'm thankful for my best friend. I met this wonderful woman back in 5th grade (although we definitely weren't grown up women back then). We spent one weekend together before I even moved to her town, and we've been friends ever since. I love that we can live thousands of miles apart and still remain friends. I love that she is still my go to person when I need a hug or to talk to someone. I love that we've had so many great memories together.

17. I'm thankful for the ability to be flexible that I've developed during my teaching career. From the last weekend in June until August 1st, I was didn't sleep in the same place more than a few nights in a row. From July 9th until August 1st, I didn't spend more than two nights in one place.

18. I'm thankful for friends from high school. I was able to reconnect with some of those friends this summer and really enjoyed visiting with them.

19. I'm thankful for alone time and understanding family. At the end of July, I had to pop back out to Colorado for another dentist appointment (#19 out of 20 in the past 16 months. Once again a story for another post). While I stayed at my cousin's home, I showed up frustrated from a fruitless dentist appointment and had to leave early the next morning. So I only got to see one member of the household for like five minutes, but they were totally understanding in the fact that I needed a chance to escape and hide from all people. They were even willing to let me stay again this past weekend when I had to return for yet another appointment and managed to help me out with other hoops I was trying to jump through as well.

20. I'm thankful for college friends. I've gotten the chance to get together with a couple of these friends this summer, and I love the fact that I get to just be my true self with them. I can't wait for the next opportunity I get to see some of them (which thanks to my flexible jobs will hopefully be more often now).

21. I'm thankful for the church district in which I grew up. I was able to attend my umpteenth district conference with my parents at the end of July, and it felt like home.

22. I'm thankful to have a cousin who is just a couple months younger than me. I love that even though I was often mean to her when we were little we are still great friends today. It's awesome that I now live close enough to her to just pop down for a couple days.

23. I'm thankful for older friends who speak wisdom into my life. After receiving the news that I didn't get a job I really wanted, several friends were able to encourage me and help me to see that it was okay.

24. I'm thankful for marketable skills. When I got to the end of July and didn't have a job, I was really starting to worry a little bit. I mean as a responsible adult you have to pay your bills and be...well...a grown up. However, within a week of sending my resume to a wider range of jobs, I had two part time jobs.

25. I'm thankful for my sisters. I know I was already thankful for them, but they make the list twice. At the beginning of August, they were somewhat fighting over who I should live with between the two of them. While I know they only want me for my nanny skills (haha, I know that's not true), it's great to feel wanted.

26. I'm thankful for my brother-in-laws. Since I don't have any brothers of my own, it's nice to know that I always have someone to tease me. It's also nice to know that they are helping to watch out for me as well.

27. I'm thankful for a place to live. Remember how I said I didn't get the job I wanted, but I did manage to get two part time jobs? And how my sisters were fighting over me? Well I've moved into my sister's basement for the time being, which means I get to see family every day and be close by to watch my nieces grow up. I mean one of the main reasons for moving was to be close to family, right? Even if it wasn't originally my plan to be THIS close I'm extremely thankful for my sister and her family for welcoming me into their home.

28. I'm thankful for my parents. While they are at the end of the list, they are truly the best of the best. Throughout the craziness of life (especially this summer), they are always there for me. They've retired and are living on a tight budget, but they still help take care of me. They are always willing to listen when I need someone. They help me solve problems that pop up. They are just awesome (even if we don't always get along).

29. I'm thankful that I've learned financial responsibility. This week I spent a LOT of money on my teeth, and I've spent even more throughout the last year. However, because my parents taught me to save and not spend money I don't have, I was able to pay all of those bills without qualms. I've also been able to take all these crazy trips (with more in the works for the rest of the year) without any worries of how I will pay my bills. As my parents always told me when I asked them for money, "I've got some work you can do." Anytime I need some extra (or just some to begin) money, God provides more work to be done.

30. I'm thankful for my personal relationship with Christ. (Yes, I know He should be number one, but I was trying to go chronologically and some of these realizations are very recent. Like as I'm writing this recent.) I mentioned earlier that I had been struggling to write this post. One of the main reasons is because I want to use this blog to not just share updates on my life, but to show people how God is working in my life. Sometimes that is just plain hard. I love God with my whole heart, and I am beyond thankful for everything He has done/is doing/will do in my life. However, sometimes I'm just not very happy with the way He is working out His will in my life. I was all set to complain through this post because right now is one of those times. He is definitely stretching me out of my comfort zone and challenging me more than I would like. Nevertheless, tonight I choose to be thankful for all of these things and focus on Daniel 3:16-18 (see the ESV translation below).

"Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”

Lately, I've claimed this verse in response to challenges. I may not be facing a fiery furnace or even that extreme of trials; but I know that God is able to bring about good in the midst of whatever may come my way. However, even if He doesn't work things out the way I want, I choose to trust that He knows best.

I hope those of you who follow this blog to keep up with my life are thoroughly satisfied with this update. For those of you just reading to see what I'm thankful for, I hope you've seen that even in the midst of trials, God is there. For those of you hoping for more about the ducks, well keep watching. Someday I will have the creative juices to continue that story.

**BUT if you made it this far in my blog without falling asleep or quitting, I want to leave you with one more thought:

I'm thankful for you. I'm a naturally introverted person who doesn't make friends easily. This fact has been emphasized and challenged through the last 8 years as I have gone to college, lived in Oklahoma for two years, lived in Colorado for 2 years, and now I live in my sister's basement. I've felt like every time I start to build those friendships that could last a lifetime God has said it's time to move on. I know He is pushing me in this way because in the past I have become too reliant on other people in place of Him; but some days it sure makes it hard to make the effort to reach out and make new friends when I don't know how long I'll be around them. All of this to say, I'm extremely grateful to all of you who love and appreciate me enough to read through my rantings. It takes a true friend (or insane person) to put up with my quirky personality. So thank you.

And remember have a QUACKTASTIC day!

Wherever He Leads...I Will Follow

Have you ever wondered what it was like to be Abram when he was called by God to pack up his family and move with no final destination? All he knew was that he was supposed to take his wife, nephew, and nephew's family and follow God's leading. (Genesis 12)

These past few months I've been spending a lot of time thinking about Abram and his journey to become Abraham. A lot of waiting and trusting happened for him to earn those extra letters in his name. Over and over in the Bible we see God use the imperfect person and truly Abraham was an imperfect person. He made mistakes, but he was so in tune with God that Abraham was able to negotiate with God over the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. (Genesis 18:22-33)

I want to be that connected to God. So connected that I can intercede for others and God will listen. So connected that when God calls me to step out in faith, I will follow. So connected that I can fully trust and wait on God's plan for my life, no matter how long or hard it becomes.

In case you missed the memo, I've stepped out on a limb to follow God's leading to move again. On Friday, I finished packing up my classroom and stuffing my ducks into a tub to load it all into my car to drag back to my parents' home one last time. I said farewell to my students and coworkers while trying to hold back the tears. I have loved the two years I've spent in Colorado, but after many months of praying I knew that God was calling me elsewhere.

Before you ask, I have no idea where I am going. My parents are leaving on their own adventure at the end of June and selling the home where I grew up, which means after that I can no longer be their basement troll. As of now I have very few plans for the future. I have some small escapades and one big adventure (more on that later) on my horizon for the summer, but for now I'm settling into my parents' basement for a few more weeks of being a typical millennial and sponging off my parents while I search for the next step in this journey.

Keep watching for more updates as the story unfolds...but for now here's a few pictures of the beginning of the journey.

Almost a Celebrity...But Not Really...

Recently my students stumbled upon this blog as they were googling me. Terrifying, right? It's quite a unique feeling to have someone looking you up on the internet. In some ways it makes you feel a little like a celebrity, but in other ways it makes you worry if there is anything out there that you don't want them to find. Thankfully, my students stumbled upon this blog and thought it was interesting or perhaps strange, but then again they already think my duck obsession is weird. Yet it brought the blog back to my attention and made me realize that it's been a really long time since I updated y'all on my life and the crazy antics of my ducks.

Over the past two years, my ducks and I have been on an adventure in OKC and spent the time becoming "real adults." Let me tell you, adulthood hasn't been easy. While the ducks have been lounging in my apartment and living their lives (with many new additions to the family), I used my time learning how to be a teacher. Yes, I know I spent four years in college being taught "how to be a teacher," but nothing could have prepared me for the reality of teaching.

I had no idea...

• How exhausted I would be at the end of each day.
• How regularly I would hear the phrase "I left my bag at home" or something similar.
• How much caffeine I would consume when I couldn't maintain my "early to bed, early to rise" plan.
• How there would always be something more to do.
• How many times I would call my mom in tears because I was exhausted and overwhelmed.
• How many times I would call my daddy in tears because I didn't know how to make a door frame stand straight on its own or why my car was making a weird noise.
• How difficult it would be to put my dream of being a hands-on, creative teacher in action.
• How many days I would wake up praying that I could make it through to the afternoon so I could take a nap.
• How often I would reply to emails about missing assignments.
• How many pencils I would sell to my students.
• How frequently I would hear the phrases "I wasn't talking," "But I was talking to MYSELF," or something similar.
• How completely my life revolves around the next event at school.
• How often my heart would break/soar because my students would ask me to pray for something major happening in their lives.
• How many times I would hear my students say I was one of their favorite teachers even though I had just disciplined them for something.
• How I could be having the worst day and one simple thank you or apology from a student or parent could change the course of the day.

I had no idea how God could challenge and bless me so completely in the same day.

As many of you already know, my ducks and I are packing up to move on to the next adventure God has for us. My second school year of teaching ends in just under two weeks, and I will be heading back to my parents' home for the summer. As difficult and crazy as these past two years have been, they have taught me loads of new life skills, and I'm excited to move on to the next part of the story that God has written for me and what He will teach me in the future. Nevertheless, I'm really going to miss OKC for one reason. No, it's not the low cost of living or the city life. Of course, it's definitely not the traffic, the weather, the 400+ miles separating me from my parents, or my love for the state of Oklahoma.

It's the people. The people who have helped me survive the past two years. The people who have put up with my crazy antics and mental breakdowns. The people who have reached out in love and welcomed me into their hearts.

• The friend who encouraged me to move to OKC and was always willing to listen to me talk about how hard being a teacher is.
• The school administraters who hired me and were always willing to support me in my efforts to become a better teacher.
• The fellow teachers who put up with my annoying questions and constant confusion as to what was supposed to be happening.
• The parents who understood that I was a new teacher still getting my feet under me and put up with my really long, arduous email updates.
• The pastor and his family who had me thrust into their lives by an act of God (and my loving father) and followed my father's instructions by throwing me into ministry not long after I entered the church.
• The connection class members who were willing to accept me into their crazy ranks from the first day even though I was feeling really shy and who put up with my own ridiculous antics once they realized I wasn't truly bashful.
• The church family who took this pastor's daughter and welcomed her with open arms.
• Most of all, the students who tolerated my silly duck obsession and never gave up on me.

On Friday, these students honored me by throwing a party during our study hall. They blessed me with a wonderful basket of treats (including duck soap on a rope. I know. I couldn't believe it was a real thing either!), talked about how much they would miss me, and made me a scrapbook full of pictures and notes from many of my students.

Afterwards, I read a note one of the students put in the basket about how a simple hug I didn't even remember giving her had made a huge difference in her school year. In the quiet of my classroom after school, it brought me to tears.

Too often as teachers we feel under appreciated and like we aren't really accomplishing anything. Yet, as a coworker pointed out to me, God eventually provides moments like these to give us a "job well done" boost to keep going. For me, this "job well done" moment gave me the energy to push through the rest of this school year and move on to the next school to which God has called me.

Therefore, while I will truly miss my school, friends, and church from Oklahoma, I am eager to announce that I will be moving to Colorado in the fall and continuing my "quacktastic" journey as a middle school teacher.

My encouragement to you today is to think back on God's "job well done" moments in your life and remember that you can make/are making a difference in the life of others even if it isn't always noticeable.

Finally, I will leave you with the words of Matthew 25:21 (English Standard Version), "His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.'"

Crazy Ducky Lady Out. *mic drop*

(Sorry. I teach middle schoolers!)

Stress

     Contrary to the title, this post doesn't actually revolve around how stressed I am right now. Actually I am finally at a point where I can breathe again. A point that I have rarely reached in the past four years--actually in all my life. Because I am a people pleaser, I tend to say yes to everything, but we are getting off track. Today, I want to talk about relaxation.
     Do you have something you love to do but can never find time to do it? For me, I have two things that are sure to relieve stress and make me happy: baking and writing. My closest friends can tell you that their favorite times to be around me are when I am most stressed. This fact probably seems weird to you, but they know that they will probably receive some sort of baked good out of my stress. Pies, cookies, cupcakes, cakes, cobblers, bread puddings...you name it, I've probably baked it for my friends in the past few years. I mean stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Because I know they really appreciate all this good food, I tend to make time to bake even when I don't really have a spare moment. It's all in good fun, but it seems to rob me of a more personal form of stress relief: poetry.
     There used to be a point in my life that whenever I couldn't handle my emotions anymore I would turn to a blank page and begin to write. After four years of writing essay after essay, I've felt the creative juices being sucked out of me. While my pen or keyboard used to be a place to let my emotions overflow, now it is something that threatens to overwhelm me. I don't like that. I don't like it one bit. I want to be creative again. Therefore, today I took time to sit with a tasty drink, good music, and a blank page until the juices started flowing. Guess what?!? It worked. Granted it took several horrible poems to get to a good one, but my mental block finally fell. I'm not saying I'm going to win a Nobel Prize for Literature or anything, but it felt so great to finally allow my emotions explode onto the page.
     I have to admit that I was a little mad at myself for letting it go that long without writing something besides homework. Nonetheless, I pose this question to you (if anyone out there actually reads my blog): do you neglect the things that truly make you happy because they just aren't priorities? If so, how can you make time in your schedule for this activity? I guarantee you that if you take a few minutes to completely enjoy your life everything else with begin to fall in place--even in the very moments that seem like life will fall apart if you take a pause. Today, I promise myself to always take time to write, even when the task seems too daunting. What challenge can you make to improve your mental health this week? Remember to always have a quacky day.

Goodbye, But I'm Taking You With Me

     As my college career draws to a close, I've been doing a lot of reminiscing. All semester, I've been counting down the days until graduation. Today, it is five days until graduation and I want the time to slow down. But life doesn't work that way. We can't just speed through it in one moment and beg it to play in slow motion the next. We are each given twenty-four hours in a day, seven days a week, and fifty-two weeks a year. The question is what we will do with that time. It's an age old question that has been posed to every generation; but we as humans forget that time is not just something for us to watch tick off the clock.
     We turn now to Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NASB)

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven--

A time to give birth and a time to die;

A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill and a time to heal;

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up as lost;

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;

A time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate;

A time for war and a time for peace."

Every moment has a purpose. I've learned this fact the hard way so many times over the years because I forget to look at the present instead of the fear of the future or regret of the past.

     Let's be honest here, folks. Change stinks. It stinks a lot. We finally get to a point where we enjoy what we are doing and everything has to change. While I have enjoyed college, I'm at a place where I can't stay here any longer. I've been taught everything I'm supposed to know (and I've even learned a few things from my classes). My friends and schedule and life have all driven me a little quackers in the pursuit of graduation. I've made a ton of awesome memories, and that's exactly what they will always be: just memories. I cannot go back and relive those moments. I cannot stay stuck in the same moment for the rest of my life just because it's the best one I've ever experienced. It's time to move on to new things. Yet then I remind myself that I don't have to leave everything behind to begin the next adventure.

     We tend to think that saying goodbye puts an immediate end to everything we knew in order to live in the next moment. But what if it's not? What if we can take the best parts of what we already know and apply it to what is yet to come? Of course, we carry the memories with us and all the lessons we have learned. Yet, what about the people? Over the past four years, I've made several really great friends--friends that I plan to carry with me the rest of my life. Yet in the past week, I started contemplating how I can possibly take these friends with me into my new life.

     Even with all of the newfangled forms of communication these days, I really stink at it. My family lives a long ways away and I too often forget to contact them until I need something from them. It's not because I don't love them or don't want to talk to them. It's just because I am horrible at staying in contact with people. I blame it on my introvertedness. Because of the way my brain works, I take a long time to process things. Thus, I'm not very good at comebacks...but that's a different train of thought. I also feel like I can communicate more clearly and effectively if I write it out. This fact is because if it's written out I can read it over and over and over and over and over again until I have it perfect. If I am talking to someone in person or on the phone, I have a tendency to say things I quickly regret. Therefore, I'm nervous that I won't stay in contact with the friends I have now. Unless they are okay with long winded letters or emails every few weeks, I am scared it just won't happen.

     So I've been asking myself, "Duck Lady, why are you scared when you can do something about it?" I may be terrible at communication, but that doesn't mean I have to abandon my friendships. It just means that I will have to work at them. I can't just tell myself that my true friends will understand my silence because they know me personally. Friendships--just like love--are a two way street. Yes, I should expect my friends to understand that I don't always keep up with communication; but I also have to make the effort to meet them half way.

     At the very least, I'm not saying goodbye to these friends forever. No, it's just a "see you later." Just as one of my favorite quotes from the movie John Q. says, "Not goodbye. I hate goodbyes. See you later." I also have been thinking a lot about the song "Friends" by Michael W. Smith (I know it's a blast from the past, but bear with me). I know that my friendships I have built at this university will last for eternity even if we never speak again on this earth because I know that someday I will see these friends in Heaven. So I leave you with the first verse and chorus of this song.

"Packing up the dreams God planted

In the fertile soil of you

I can't believe the hopes He's granted

Means a chapter of your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

'Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends"

PS to all my friends: You need to know that even if it is radio silence for awhile from me, I will always be here for you no matter when, where, or what you need.

Learning to Take a Step Back

     My life becomes super hectic at certain times of the year, and in those times, I often forget the important things in life. Right now is one of those times. So lately I have been learning to step back from everything for just a few minutes everyday and take time to renew myself. I don't know if any of you are like me, but I am a very determined person. Once I start something, I am committed to it and even when tempted to quit I can't convince myself to do so. This characteristic can be considered a strength and a weakness. It becomes a huge weakness when I over commit myself. My solution to this problems appears in the form of lists. If you were to walk into my bedroom, you would automatically see the list posted on my door consisting of five 8.5 by 11 pages full of assignments, tests, and things to do for one of my jobs. This is only the first list you would see. Looking closer at my room, you would find a list on my desk reminding me to do things like wash my face and take my vitamin in the morning and a calender on my wall with more lists of what I have to do in the week. My life revolves around lists. Without these lists, I would never get anything accomplished because I would never know where to start. Yet what happens when I start working on something that is not on my list but I know it needs to happen? I have a bad habit of adding things to my list once I have accomplished the task just so I can cross it off.
     So how do you deal with your overwhelming amount of tasks? Are you a list maker like me or do you just start on one task, accomplish it, and move on? Do you find yourself over committing often? These are questions you have to ask before you can start learning to take a step back.
    Priorities: "the right of precedence over others (dictionary.com)." Too many times people don't know how to set priorities in their life. Or else people choose to set unimportant things as higher priorities than the really important things in life. Because I am so goal-oriented in life, I often struggle to set the important things in life has higher priorities. At this point you are probably questioning how this happens when I am a list maker. It is because the important things are those that often don't make it on to my lists: God and people. My number one priority should always be to put God first in my life. I struggle with this a lot, but lately I've realized something: He can go on my list too. I know it seems kind of ridiculous to put my time with God on my to-do list as something to cross off each day, but why does it seem ridiculous? If I put Him on my list, I remember to sit down and take time with Him. If I don't put Him on my list, I get so busy I tend to forget. So I have learned this semester that it is okay to put God on my to-do list if that is what it takes to bring me to a halt and let Him take the reigns of my life. My second priority in life should always be people. There is no purpose to all the other things without people. The other night I had probably fifty urgent items on my lists, but I chose to go out and spend time with my grandma. What did I do while I was with her? I sat still, ate, and listened. My grandma is one of the best storytellers I know. So this week I not only chose to put off some homework, but I also chose to give up my relax time (reading a book or watching TV) to sit still and listen to history--family history. Another example, my best friend goes to school several states away from me; and if we aren't careful, we can go several weeks without even texting back and forth. Then last summer she spent two full months overseas and the only contact we had was intermittent emails and one Skype call. I found that I greatly missed hearing her voice and being able to contact her any time I wanted to do so. This brings me to my point. It's okay to put people on your to do list as well. Each week this friend and I try to schedule a time to talk. Sometimes we stay up a little later. Sometimes we get up a little earlier. Sometimes we put off our homework. Sometimes we are completely free and get to just revel in talking to our best friend (very rarely). My third and final example came about a week or so ago. One night I was supposed to be studying theology and my housemate was supposed to be doing physics homework. I paused in the midst of my studying to ask her a question/make a comment about theology. The result was several hours of just sitting in our living room talking about things ranging from salvation to cats to why our senior years of high school were not the best. I didn't get any studying done that evening for theology and she didn't get any physics homework done. Nevertheless, I don't regret a single minute of that evening because I learned more about my friend and she learned more about me.
     So here's my point to all of this ranting. We, as humans, get so caught up in what we have to do that we often forget what we should do. What's the difference you ask? The difference is that we should always put God and people first in our lives. They are what we SHOULD do. What we HAVE to do is our work, our school, our laundry, and anything else that makes our to-do list. My final thought for the day: do you need to learn to take a step back and breathe so you can accomplish everything you have to do today? Then step back, breathe in time with God and other people, then look at the next item on your to-do list. Don't look at your to-do list, panic, and put off breathing until later. Just as you can't survive without the air you breathe in and out every day, you cannot fully live without spending time with God and other people.

Matthew 22:37-39

"Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"