Parenthood

     Today I taught a two year old how to say nom nom nom when she ate something she liked. Then she started saying it in different voices just like she had heard me do. No I'm not a parent as anyone who has read my blog before would know. Yet this weekend I have been hanging out with a one year old and a two year old who came to live in my parents' house for a few days. These two precious girls have pretty much been the center of my world for the past three days. So no I'm not a mom yet, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately.
     In fact a friend and I were talking the other day and this very topic came up. He mentioned that he wasn't sure he ever wanted to be a father because he's scared he would mess them up too much. This threw me for a minute. It's hard for me to imagine someone not wanting to be a parent because all I've ever really wanted in life is to be a parent. Yet after the initial shock moment I remembered that not everyone is like me. So we talked about it. We had an interesting conversation and one real thought came out of it. Parenthood should be something that scares you. If it doesn't, you obviously aren't ready for it. When you bring a child into this world (or adopt), you become completely responsible for that child's welfare. It's an extremely daunting task. But if you are scared that you are going to mess those kids up, you might be ready. You can obviously admit that you have flaws and that those flaws may affect your children. But the very fact that you care enough to not want to hurt your children shows maturity. Every parent should know that they aren't perfect and that they will make mistakes with their kids. When I was talking with this friend, we also went on to talk about anger issues and how that has affected us and how it might affect our children. But it's not the anger or the mistakes that will affect our children as much as how we handle these things. I learned from my parents that blow ups and fights happen, but apologies must also happen. I learned that no matter whether you think you are wrong or not, if you can humble yourself to apologize for the way you reacted to the situation, you have made the right step towards fixing it. Believe me, my dad and I have had our share of fights, and unfortunately some of those fights have been in front of other people. I have needed to apologize to my dad and my friends for my actions many times. These friends have seen that my family is not perfect, but that we have learned over the years how to handle our mistakes.
     So is it wrong to be scared to become a parent? I don't think so. In fact, I think it's kind of important to have a healthy fear.
     In this Christmas season, we think about the birth of Christ, but what about His mother. I'm sure Mary was terrified. Actually she was so scared that she questioned a messenger of the Lord. Look at this passage:
     "But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God.  You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.  He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David,  and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.” “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”" (Luke 1:30-34 NIV84)
     We all know how the story goes. Mary accepts her duty and her pledged husband chose to accept his responsibilities as the earthly father of God. I'm sure they were scared out of their minds, but they did what God asked.
     So my point is that parenthood can be a very scary thing. Yet if you are nervous that you may mess your future (or present) kids up, think about the fact that they are part of God's plan for your life. Remember that even if it scares the dickens out of you, if you are called to be a parent, it is one of the most important callings you can ever receive in life. But if, after serious thought and many conversations with God, you discover that parenthood isn't for you, then invest in other people's kids. Because no child can ever have too many positive role models. So hike up your big boy (or girl) pants and learn that it's not fear that has the control, God does.

At the End of Another Semester...

Having just finished my last final, I've been lying here thinking back on the events of the semester (yes, I should be packing, but you know how much I love to procrastinate.) Looking back on the semester, a lot has happened, but then again very little has happened. I completed another seventeen credit hours, but it was just another bunch of classes. I got to teach for the first time in real classrooms, which was amazing. Yet it was just the first few times of many to come. I was in the play; I played tennis; I headed up the social life committee; and I had another birthday. Granted these were all amazing and fun times, but they're not what I'm going to remember most from this semester. Earlier today I was going to spend this blog lamenting about the fact that another semester has gone by and I still don't have a boyfriend. However, then I started thinking about all the new people I've met and how great the friendships I already had have become. I took seventeen credit hours and made several new friends while doing so. I taught in a real classroom and began to understand my housemates even more. I was in the play and some of my friendships returned to a former stability as well as new friendships being formed. So why am I rambling about next to nothing? Because it is something. People are the only real thing that matters. God places people in our lives for three purposes. They are either in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some of the people I have met in college were only here for a moment. They came into my life to get me through some specific event. Other people I have met in college are here for this entire season of my life. Then there's those extra special people who are going to be in my life forever. So even though I'm still single and have still never been on a date, I have amazing friends and a wonderful family. So today instead of lamenting my singleness, I'm going to rejoice in the relationships I do have.

Waiting and Watching, but Still Pursuing

Celebrity crushes. We all have at least one. That person that we would freak out in the presence of and probably die if they were somehow to magically ask us out on a date. I know that I have several. I like them because they are cute or they have a great personality on the show or movie on which they perform. So why am I not attracted to the same type of guys in real life? Because in reality, I know that cuteness and fake personalities mean nothing. Okay, so maybe I find some meaning in how a guy looks but honestly I don't really find myself attracted to a guy until I know his personality. So why am I grounded in reality in some ways and stuck in a fairy tale other times? Because I've watched. My parents' relationship, for one, has set me looking for the right guy. They love each other unconditionally, even when they get on each other's nerves. And while I obviously wasn't present when my dad was wooing my mom, I have heard the story hundreds of times. He took the time to court her and show her that she was more special than anything to him. Yet when he wasn't so sure about whether she was the one from him, she stepped in to convince him. Love letters, holding hands, long late night walks, and then marriage. Only after marriage did other things come into the picture--things that brought my two wonderful sisters and I into this world. Now, their love story hasn't diminished, instead it has grown. There are still love letters, holding hands, long late (for them) night walks, and most importantly marriage. My parents have faced trials. They've fought. They've made up. They've been scared their life partner wouldn't survive. Yet today they have been married for 36.5 years. So I've watched their love story continue to walk across the pages it was written upon and listened to the story of how it began. I've also learned from my friends. I've watched the hot jerks rip apart the hearts of those I hold dear. I've also watched the sweet guy do the same to my friends. Yet when I start to question whether a love story like that of my parents is a thing of the past decades, I look around me at my sisters and friends. While I've seen the pain and frustrations of failed relationships for both my friends and sisters, I have also witnessed the healing that comes from romance in reality. Both of my sisters are married and have a "beautiful" love story. My oldest sister has been married for seven and a half years now and has two beautiful little girls. The highlights of her love story? Her husband drove 7 hours one way just to ask my dad in person if he could date my sister. They knew on their second date that they had met the "one". They dated. He wooed. She fell. They got married. Since then, they have faced many challenges and really struggled at some points as all marriages encounter, but the difference is that they haven't given up. They kept fighting through the problems and through this they have a beautiful two year old biological daughter and a precious four year old adopted daughter. Their love story has grown. It started out sweet and amazing and kinda mushy for a 13 year old girl, but it has only gotten better the more they have gone through together. My other sister has only been married for a year and a half, but her love story is just a precious to me. She married a boy from our hometown. In fact, she married my best friend's older brother. Yet they didn't start dating or even really "liking" each other until he was a freshman and she was a sophomore in college. Even though he had met my parents and we all knew it was coming, he refused to begin dating my sister until he had received my dad's blessing in person. These two encountered struggles even before they got married. They spent over a year and a half in a long distance relationship, and it pushed them to their limits at some points. Yet today they are married and a beautiful couple. They've faced struggles in their short year and a half, but they have a different view on things than the world. They choose to talk and work it out instead of giving up. Both of my brother-in-laws made a point of asking my dad before even thinking of proposing to my sisters. So all this said, I could go on and on about several of my friends who have just started their love stories--both in dating and marriage--but instead I'll get to my point. Romance and fairy tales still exist. They just take work and understanding to keep the happily ever after a reality. So I'm holding out for my prince charming. Someone that will woo me, and be willing to go through my father before coming to me with the dating and marriage question. The one who will continually work with me and understand me as I am. So here's to waiting and watching for the one my King has chosen for me. Yet I'm not going to just sit here and wait for someone to show up on my doorstep. Don't worry, I'm not a believer in magical appearances of the prince, but I do believe I will meet the right person in God's timing.